Your Stories
Here we share your stories of sexism, sexual harassment and sexual assault in healthcare. Every story is a powerful testimony, describing lived experiences and the impact of sexual violence.
Thank you to every person who has shared their story with us.
Content warnings
These stories contain descriptions of sexism, sexual harassment, and sexual violence.
All Stories — Page 9 of 16
107
When I was an F2 in Orthopaedics I was the only female on the team and initially completely ignored by the Consultant. When I went to a meeting alone with him in his office he became really quite inappropriate verbally, telling me, “if it’s quiet on the wards there’s no point you coming to theatres – go home and fuck your boyfriend”. He also made frequent references to my underwear and said, “when you go for your speciality training interviews make sure you are wearing a push up bra”. Pretty soon I felt unable to work and was signed off for “depression”, which felt unreasonable to me because the reason I couldn’t work was the harassment. I decided to raise my concerns with my ES who alerted the (male) head of surgery. When I met with him he said, “Gosh, [those comments] were a bit inappropriate, Mr X is lucky you’re not a muslim or we’d be in big trouble ha ha!” I ended up making a formal complaint, with the support of a friendly male SpR, and I was switched to another department for that rotation. I was told that my new supervisor was not to know why I had been moved and I was not to tell anyone in the hospital about my allegations. Mr X went on to tell people in the department that I was mad and disclosed to people that I have an underlying mental illness (which is true, but had nothing to do with the complaint). During the complaints process (it was investigated internally by Mr X’s colleagues), my male colleagues were called in and apparently one was asked about my own background and sexual behaviour. I honestly felt I was the one under investigation. I later asked HR what the outcome of my complaint was and they refused to tell me as it was “confidential to Mr X”. I later found out through the grape vine that he was found guilty of sexual harassment and bullying and as a consequence couldn’t supervise females for a year, but that was about it. The process of speaking out was deeply unsettling for me and there was no support offered by the Trust/Foundation School, it was all hush hush. I am proud that I spoke up, especially if it prevented other female trainees from this behaviour, but if I could do it again I would have involved my union and sought advice from external agencies because I was utterly on my own with it. I am so glad more people are talking about this subject now because I used to feel so alone with this.
106
I worked in a medical research building and I encountered endless daily heckling which is too extensive to cover but some examples are: An SpR doctor repeatedly asked me out and gave a commentary on my clothes, and weight. If I wasn’t smiley, I was told I must have PMT and needed to cheer up as I was there to entertain. Shoulder massages that I repeatedly objected to. I was told I would be quite slim if I didn’t have big breasts. At a research conference, this doctor was very drunk and pursued me all evening. I had to hide behind a male doctor colleague who spent the evening helping me fight off the other doctor and at the worst point the harassing doctor crawled along the top of a sofa I was sat on to try and grope me. In the department I was told to make tea, why are you bothering working you should be married and having kids etc. I was also exposed to harassment and insults by other department members. The worst part was towards the end of my time when the doctor became aggressive and adamant that he was going have sex with me. He ranted to others that he was going to give me one over a desk etc. He would confront me out with work too. After countless complaints by me and it being ignored, colleagues finally supported me in complaining to supervisor. Female supervisor said: ‘you can go through an official complaints procedure but I don’t have time to support you and I don’t need you in the department but I need him’ (doctor colleague was more experienced). Male supervisor gleefully said: ‘It just sounds like good old-fashioned sexism to me’. The doctor is now a consultant. I didn’t get any publications as didn’t want to deal with the department after I left and then suffered chronic health problems, which I contribute to the stress.
105
My supervisor would use any excuse at the start of our meetings to comment that’ I should be married by now’ or ‘maybe you should get married’ in response to any work issue or discussion I ever had. He made comments about my legs just randomly thrown into conversation: ‘ oh those legs’ type of comments on a multiple occasions and even in the middle of a BLS course when I was doing a particular skill and was being given advice by the course lecturer, my supervisor decided to heckle me from across the room about my legs. He persistently discussed his wife’s personal medical history (breast augmentation) in detail which was excruciating to listen to. In the middle of my appraisal under the working relationships section, he started ranting and typed into my appraisal the following: ‘ name has not yet found herself a husband. It is becoming really very sad and worrying now. She has tried multiple ways in which to find a man including speed dating, internet dating, asking friends, pulling plenty of randoms, etc but with no success ‘. He then deleted it. I froze and didn’t know what to say, I had never ever talked about my relationship at work as it is irrelevant to my job. I was dating someone who did not work in healthcare so it cannot have been a professionalism issue. It was pure nosiness and sexism on my supervisors behalf. None of the above would happen to a man and all this took away from me discussing important career matters.
104
I was an SHO at the time and in the staff room about to start afternoon clinic and became aware of a consultant looking at me weirdly. I was dressed in black trousers and a smart pinstripe white blouse. The blouse was one that instead of buttons at the front had a zip at the side. Suddenly having had little conversation with this consultant (he was thankfully not a consultant I ever worked with) he said ‘oh I see now that your blouse has a zip up the side. I wondered how it would slide off over your large breasts!’ He then continued to stare leeringly at me. I froze and didn’t know what to say but thankfully at this point, a nurse came in to tell me that my first patient had arrived so I escaped out of the room and have never had to deal with him again.
103
Constantly being told when I worked/was a student to avoid specialties that had lots of out of hours commitment as women like me clearly want to have a family. My boyfriend (who is a interested in GP) has never been asked if he is applying for GP training but I’m asked on a weekly basis. Not only would he be a much better GP than me but the attitude that GP is a “softer” option makes me so angry.
102
When I was a pregnant 1st year ortho registrar, I was treated with contempt. I was bullied and told by a consultant, at the end of my post, that no one in the department liked me. He said that “all” the juniors had complained that I was unapproachable and how consultants said I was unteachable and lazy. I was crestfallen. I had not taken a single day off (wanting to save my leave for maternity), and at that time I had been a doctor for 10 years, always priding myself on my interpersonal relationships with patients and colleagues. In fact, I had felt really loved by all the staff in those few months. I was horrified at these allegations that had not been brought to my attention until this final meeting in post, not to mention my apparent lack of insight at not noticing that anything was wrong! I stood there with tears streaming down my face as he said this in theatre. I bumped into the theatre sister in charge on the way out, who told me that it was completely untrue and advised me to get a 360 degree review. I did so and asked everyone from porters, health care assistants, junior and senior nurses, plaster technicians to every junior doctor except the one on nights. The two charge nurses on the wards also refuted this, saying that they had fortnightly meetings with the clinical director and that they had heard nothing negative about me. All the written comments were not only positive, but positively lovely in a way that made me so emotional. I couldn’t understand it. What was this consultant trying to achieve? How did he go home to his wife and kids knowing that he bullied, belittled and lied to someone and made her cry. For what? I asked my other consultant about it and he said it was because I was pregnant and that he agreed that I shouldn’t be doing the job if I was pregnant. As for being lazy, unapproachable and unteachable, he admitted that despite theses negative comments, there was no evidence, nor a formal complaint against me, and the consultant who had allegedly said I was unteachable had never taught me anyway! My other supervisor (a lovely -although somewhat old fashioned prof) tried to reassure me in his way: he said that he did not agree with any of the negative comments, what really mattered was his report which was glowing, but that I should just keep my head down and nose clean and that it was pointless complaining because they all knew each other. His example was that if he (the prof) shot the TPD’s wife, he (the TPD) would say it was ok because he (prof) did it! I knew he was trying to “protect” me and my career. I followed his advice.
During my second pregnancy, the head of the STC -who was also my supervisor at the time -actually wrote in my end of term appraisal, that me being pregnant again will have significantly hindered my training and that I should spend my maternity leave studying for my FRCS. I continued with training. When I returned from my third maternity leave, I was subjected to another barrage of misogyny with consultants (from same hospital) saying that I shouldn’t be allowed to do my exam because I seemed overly tired and “how was someone with a full time job and three kids going to know enough to pass?” I was incensed. I had always worked full time and had a nanny who worked longer hours than the EWTD, and I had never been late or had to leave early for kids or take emergency time off for them. I was no different to a male registrar with a wife at home looking after his kids! It was important for me to pass my ARCP so I went to the STC head who said that he didn’t think the remarks were sexist. I felt like banging my head against a brick wall. HR admitted that the consultants in that hospital were known for looking at the list of incoming juniors to see whose life they could make difficult at work. HR told me that if I didn’t complain within 2 years, my complaint would be void, but they also advised me not to complain to protect my career.
I kept my head down and kept taking the shit but passed my exams (oh the pressure! But I just had to show them). What got me through those years were my amazing registrar colleagues. There were only about 4 women out of 60 trainees but the chaps were gentlemen and we were very close and supported each other. They could see the nastiness which fell their way too sometimes.
I eventually CCTed and got the hell out of there with a wonderful fellowship elsewhere. It was tough. I had to commute a long distance every weekend for 18 months because my husband and kids still lived at home. Eventually I got an amazing consultant job with wonderful colleagues in a beautiful town on the other side of the country. I am happy now.
101
A consultant refused to sign off one of my OSATs unless I went out for dinner with him.
100
When working on the postnatal wards as an FY2 myself and other female SHOs noticed how the midwives were much more receptive to requests and plans from the male SHOs. I complained to the male SHOs about this over lunch one day and one of them admitted that he flirted with the midwives on purpose to make his life easier.
099
I asked a male colleague (from another specialty) to not take all of his ward round into the room of an immunocompromised patient. He told me his was a “visual specialty” and they all needed to look and proceeded to ignore my request. I later heard that once in the room he turned to his colleagues on his ward round and said “I prefer my women simpering”.
098
I am not clinical but I worked as a personal assistant (PA) for a Vascular Surgeon at a top hospital back. Not only did I suffer from his and his male dominated followers (because that is what they are) but I watched and heard female surgeons in tears caused by this talented surgeon, but vile man. These female surgeons never complained they just moved on, probably experiencing the same elsewhere. It was a very tough time for me to experience this.
To cut a very long story short I took my grievance further, when one afternoon in front of a corridor of workers he said to me ‘there will be blood on the floor and it won’t be mine’ He was verbally threatening me and he loved an audience. I walked out that afternoon and fought my case and for others. I was on my own. It made me ill too but I wouldn’t give up and I was put on garden leave. This gave me the chance to gather lots of information. I didn’t succeed in getting his behaviour upheld, I did secure another position in the same hospital even though he tried to get me out, and I moved on. He and his team continued abusing females and nothing was done by HR.
Later I heard from other females who didn’t support me at the time, but now it was their turn. They called to apologise because now they knew what I went through and what I was trying to achieve. No one cares until it happens to them. I was his 4th PA, all the others moved on.
During his ‘reign’ I was the only one to bring his actions to the attention of HR, not that it did much good. His male followers knew and even asked me to drop the investigation because I was making him angry!! I refused and stated he had made me angry. They said they knew why I was doing it but not to quote them because they would deny it. This person became a Professor too a few years later!
This surgeon would never meet or talk to me on his own, he always had a group of male (young surgical registrars) behind him who sadly started behaving like him!!
When I started there a young surgical registrar had committed suicide. He worked in the department. On my first day of work there, rather confused by it all, I attended a memorial service led by the Professor. Little did I know then that this young man had failed his surgical exams and couldn’t face the consequences of his failure. He was found by a female researcher in his bedroom, he had suffocated himself with information from the internet.
There is so much more but no one listens and it’s covered up by all parties, and it’s wrong. This happened some years ago now but it’s still happening, the NHS is rife with bullying and god forbid if you stand up for yourself.
097
I worked with an O&G consultant who found a lot of satisfaction in talking about his genitals – in front of me but also in the presence of other consultants. He once asked me for the definition of virginity, then answered his own question that it is simply “the lack of opportunity”. He stated it’s not his fault that he is sexually competent and other people aren’t able to satisfy their women. He stated he was signed off to have sex, “under supervision but also independently”. When I told him this conversation was inappropriate, and if he continued that I would report it, he told me good luck because no one would believe me, and it was my word against his. I had gone into the office to discuss a Caesarean section.
When a group of consultants were later discussing a former colleague from another trust who had been dismissed due to sexual misconduct, one reported the case made him very upset – I asked is it because of the widespread culture of misogyny and sexual harassment – he said no he was concerned that if he doesn’t sign off trainees he would be wrongfully accused of sexual harassment as revenge.
096
I had a gynaecology consultant who would ask medical students what the purpose of a vagina was, and repeatedly stopped operations until he got the answer he wanted — that their only purpose was for sex. He always touched me and other juniors when he was talking to us (stroking our ear etc) despite obvious requests not to. The cherry on top of the cake was when I went to his office for clinical advice and he proceeded to ask me about my sex life, anal sex, rape and commented on my body.
When we (as a group of junior doctors) reported our extensive concerns, he was sent on an equality and diversity course.
095
I (radiographer) was teaching a male student how to take x-rays. We were both in tunic uniform and we looked a similar age.
Several patients said ‘thank you doctor’ to him and ‘nurse’ to me.
I was clearly talking him through the process in front of the patients too.
The only differentiating factor was he was male.
094
Happened to me throughout career.
Inappropriate touching/ groping.
Sexist remarks.
093
I was working as a staff nurse on an orthopaedic ward at the time if the incident. I was transferring an elderly man to another ward. The patient was not suffering from dementia. The patient dropped something on the floor, and I bent over to pick it up. As I bent over the patient groped my backside. I filled in a datix, and also raised the matter with the ward manager and the consultant responsible for his care. I never heard anything, and nothing was done.