Your Stories

I was given a promotion at work to lead the admin team in our clinical service. I worked really hard for the role but when I told the rest of the team the community care team lead asked me who I’d slept with to get the job.

A patient I was working with made repeated and very explicit threats about how he planned to rape me and graphic sexual fantasies he had about me. I felt intimidated and did not feel safe on the ward. I spoke to my line manager about the situation. He laughed and said “well what do we expect, bringing a beautiful woman onto the ward?”. I felt uncomfortable that he spoke about me in this way in a one-to-one meeting and as he was so dismissive, I felt unable to raise it again so had to continue working with that patient for months.

I was sexually harassed by a female colleague for months. She asked inappropriate questions about my sexuality and my partner frequently, and kept trying to touch my hand in front of colleagues. One shift, she tried to undo my bra over my clothing in front of a senior colleague. She once got me in a headlock in front of others and I went home crying. Her behaviour was inappropriate but never challenged and she was highly regarded by some. One evening at after work drinks, she waited until a colleague went to use the toilet and sexually assaulted me by grabbing my groin under my dress. I pushed her away and her immediate response was to ask if I was going to tell anyone. I think my colleague saw and commented jokingly. Shortly after, I decided to leave and she hugged me and kissed and slobbered on my neck. I cried as soon as I left. I didn’t tell my manager for months as I didn’t think I’d be believed and she was leaving for another job soon. I got a crappy apology and said she’d crossed the line, as if sexual assault was just pushing a boundary. I carried on working with her for a few weeks before she left. Months later after accessing specialist counselling, I decided to tell our manager and the police. While our manager believed me and my employer wasn’t very supportive and said it was up to me if I wished to refer to the NMC. I didn’t feel strong enough to drag it all up again, which filled me with guilt. I went off sick after reporting to the police and got redeployed. The police didn’t take things further after eventually questioning her. Initially, they tried to deal with it as a dispute between colleagues. Despite moving jobs several times in the five years since the sexual assault, I’ve never felt completely safe at work and I still can’t bring myself to go on work do’s or after work drinks. I’m very sensitive to office “banter” as I know what it can lead to when unchallenged.

Male colleagues with the exact same qualifications and job title as me get referred to as Dr So-and-so. I get referred to by my first name with no use of my title. This happens all the time, even if the male colleague is actually in a more junior position than myself.

I was sexually harassed by a male client and a male care giver who works with me told me “You were asking for it” “I know what women can be like”.

This week I had a face-to-face consultation with a man in his 60s whom I had never met before.

At the end of the consultation, which I had thought had been a pleasant and very normal-feeling appointment, I asked him whether there was anything else I could do for him today. He promptly told me, laughing, that I was “a bit too young” for him to tell me what he would like me to do for him, and that if he told me the things he’d like me to do for him I would probably tell him to “get lost”.

I was absolutely furious with myself on my way home that I had awkwardly laughed it off and wrapped up the consultation, rather than calling out the blatant inappropriateness of his comment. This is sexual harassment. And too often, male patients who are above a certain age think it’s flattering and charming and acceptable to say this kind of thing to generally younger female healthcare professionals. I felt so guilty afterwards for not having spoken up and challenged him, and therefore making it more likely that this behaviour will be repeated to others in the future. My husband had to very firmly tell me that I had been a victim of sexual harassment and that I was not to blame.

I have worked in the NHS for almost 25 years and throughout I have experienced sexism and misogyny in various forms. Here are some examples:

I went to support a community pharmacy to do a controlled drug audit. When I arrived at the pharmacy the pharmacist on duty decided to sing a song which had my name in it. It was slightly funny at first but he persisted and the atmosphere felt awkward then I said “oh the joke’s over now let’s get on a do what needs to be done as I have a busy day ahead” to which he frowned and said “God, you are boring!”. The controlled drugs cupboard was at the back of the pharmacy behind a door out of sight from public and the other staff members. Whilst I was conducting the audit he came in and closed the door and started singing again, then came up close behind me and was breathing on my neck, I could feel his body very close to mine. I immediately flinched and pushed him away. He said “this is what you want isn’t it?” I immediately left the pharmacy and on leaving told him that his behaviour was unacceptable and I would not be returning and would report him. I did report but as far as I know all that happened was that someone had a word with him and nothing else.

Another example, speaking to a manager of a department of another hospital, discussing work and research collaborations. We went in to a break and they said “wonder what you think about women’s workwear in the workplace?” In my mind I thought that this was an odd thing to talk about. I told him I didn’t understand and to explain further. His reply “Well, I think women wear the clothes they do to catch men’s attention. You know tight skirts and tops, not too tight, just enough for men to see and to get an idea.” I didn’t know where to put my self or my expression or feeling . I replied “Oh noooo!! Women wear what they wear because they want to, not to catch any of yours attention. Because it makes them feel good and happy in themselves. You’re on the wrong page completely, not really sure we should continue talking if I’m honest this is really uncomfortable” When I went back to them to flag this up again a few weeks later they still didn’t understand and held that position.

Final example, I was messaged on social media platform by a lead consultant who works in my trust. He asked if I would go out on a date with him. I flatly turned him down. A few weeks later he quoted an affectionate message I had sent to a dear friend and said that he understood that the reason I had turned him down was because I was gay.

There are so many examples I could give where I have been shafted or not considered, not supported, discouraged, been told I am too enthusiastic (“chasing a dog with a bone” deputy MD) when I have tried pursue various roles or projects in pursuant of my career where I know that others (white men) have and been supported with “doors held open” for them.

I have experienced sexism, misogyny and ageism at work for nearly the whole 10 years I’ve worked in the NHS.

Examples include:
Senior male consultant approaching me out of the blue to ask “how come you’ve lost weight?” whilst I’m sat down wearing baggy scrubs which don’t show my figure at all. I say “I haven’t actually”, and he goes on to say “No, you definitely have. I’d say you’ve lost about 5 to 10 percent of your body weight” whilst looking me up and down. I don’t think they would approach any of my male colleagues and comment on their weight or appearance. I wear loose, conservative clothing to try and avoid looks and comments but even then I’ll still get comments on my appearance and how I’ve dressed. I’ve had male colleagues look me up and down and talk to my chest.

One of our male consultants will regularly “adopt” a mid-twenties female junior who is normally blonde, white and petite. He will show her favouritism over all other staff to make sure she has the best training opportunities and he can then hang out with her as much as he can and buy her gifts. After about 9 months he will move onto the next one. I can count 7 females he’s done this with in time I’ve worked there. There was one occasion this same consultant told me I should only hire people I knew and liked rather than whoever scores better through the interview process. He was trying to encourage me to give a promotion to the female he’d befriended at the time. When I said I didn’t work like that he then harassed me with messages out of hours, telling me I didn’t know what I was doing and was making a big mistake.

We experience the consultants losing their temper on many occasions, which I haven’t yet been seen done to a male.

I once was told by a team mate that a male consultant had named me “Mein Fuhrer” and when I confronted him he completely denied ever calling me that and said “no I’m sure I didn’t say that. I may have called you Head Girl but I didn’t say that”.

The majority of our consultants are male and they do not champion female consultants which is why the ratio is 6:1 male to female.