Your Stories

I was a new registrar new to the country and he was the senior neonatologist who had given us the pep talk when we starred in his panelled office. He’d made lots of gentle jokes about me being a foreigner which I took on the chin. He was a known drunk and was generally unavailable at nights. I noticed I was on with him a lot which was a bit frightening. One night I called him for a very vulnerable birth just born who was going to need intensive care and to my surprise he came in. He joined me at the resuscitaire, squashing up behind me clearly smelling of booze. I was busy putting in all the tubes and giving instructions etc whilst he was right up behind me and it took me a while to notice as I was trying to resuscitate a baby, that he was pushing his crotch against my bottom. He was giving me useless advice etc, just enough to be involved. His breathing got heavier and I thought ‘oh, that’s odd, he should have caught his breath by now after running’. There’s not much space so it would have ‘passed’ to the others that he was that close and anyway their eyes were on the baby. Then the penny dropped in my head that he was frotting me. I moved sharply to the side and we then all took the baby off to NICU. Then a week later it happened again. I can still smell his breath on my neck. He pressed harder but the resus was shorter. Thank god. I felt confused and questioned myself; was I sure that’s what it was? I asked friends who were embarrassed and didn’t really want to get too involved but swapped the rota around at the last minute so he was never on with me again. I took it to the head of NICU who was a matron. She didn’t want a formal meeting. She sort of listened then said ‘oh, he does like his blondes!’ Then laughed. That was that. I was floored. I panicked. I didn’t feel I could go to anyone else. I had no ‘proof’ did I and I was surrounded by people! But I knew what I’d felt. And the blondes thing confirmed to me it had probably happened before. I just all went weird and quiet around me from then. I felt so grubby and used. I might as well have been a sex doll to him right there. I felt like a used tissue. And talk about a clinical risk! He was hopeless anyway but I could have actively harmed those babies. He was sacked about 6 months later as he was caught drunk driving. I don’t know the details. Everyone was weirdly quiet about that too. That’s the thing, the silence. I felt like collateral in his imploding glorious career. My wellbeing wasn’t important. It felt so lonely and I felt right there what I suspected that I was seen as a second class doctor, part of someone else’s career story. And the fact I was a woman, sex was what I was there for, not as a colleague. I thought I was the same as the men but I never was.

I had an issue with a male member of staff in our department. One day he snuck up behind me and jabbed his fingers into my ribs making me jump and a short while later smacked my bum as I left the department for my lunch. The response from the trust was nothing short of abysmal. I’ve had dismissive comments from my manager, huge delays from most of the areas involved which has led to months of stress, CCTV capturing the incident being lost and the male member of staff in question leaving the trust for a new job. Before he left he was overheard joking about getting reported for sexual harassment and being able to get away with it because he was leaving and threatened to do it more. I’ve reported this to the NMC as he is a registered nurse, but the NMC seem to be facing their own huge delays and have gone silent. All I wanted to do was tell the truth, hold him accountable and try to keep other women safe but throughout this whole process I’ve been pushed back time and time again.

As a student I was placed on a ward for patients with early onset dementia. On my first day I was taken to be ‘introduced’ to the sexually inappropriate patient. My mentor asked him what he thought of me and he replied inappropriately. The patient later grabbed my breast.

I was too scared to report the ward to my university but really wish I had.

I’ve been working in the NHS for over 30 years and have had several experiences . The first was as a student nurse on a men’s surgical ward where several patients exposed themselves to me and I actually had to physically fight a couple of them off. I’ve also had experiences with male staff members, one a nurse and 2 senior doctors who made sexual remarks. One even tried to kiss me when I was on my own in the coffee room and referred to me as ” the blonde bimbo” in front of other staff. I was later told ” he had a thing for blondes” it just seemed to be accepted. Another made sure I was the last one he dropped off after a work night out with lots of colleagues before propositioning me in his car. He was married with a baby which disgusted me even more. I got out of there as fast as I could. It never occurred to me to even report any of these incidents because it just wasn’t the culture to do that and I don’t think anything would have happened if I had.

I am near the end of my career in general practice I qualified in 1985. I was a bit more street wise than some on entering med school. As a medical house officer (remember them) my consultant demanded that I “let him show off his new car” . In the car he immediately reclined the seats to flat. I told him it made me feel sick and he realised I was on to him. The same man turned up in my room in the residences with a bottle of champagne at Christmas. I said how lovely and got my colleague to join us asap. In hindsight this was a very creepy and predatory.

My year has recently done a where are we now book of reminiscences including “what was the worst thing about house jobs”. Just like this campaign it uncovered vile and predatory behaviour from seniors from verbal comments to rape. I feel a bit ashamed that we didn’t speak up sooner to support each other and help those who came after us. My son’s partner is a junior Dr who has had a nasty experience and had the courage to report and was supported so, well done her and perhaps things are slowly changing

“She very quickly found her way to stardom in WAST. I bet that’s what grinding on the right cocks will do”

Hearing comments like this regularly, from someone in a ‘leadership’ role. So, so tiring.

I worked on the acute stroke unit. Whilst it was a culture of its own, there was an individual who was Portuguese, and on the flirt offence. It felt very targeted and was at times sexually aggressive. He sought to belittle me and to chip away at my self esteem – remarks such as ; “you’re not as intelligent as you think you are,” out of the blue, to try to undermine me. He’d do my share of jobs without my request or permission, to disempower me, and the touching. Touch me on the arm and shoulder, my ear, my neck, the cheek.

I simply didn’t know how to react, so often I just froze and tried to walk away. I hated it. I did my best to defend myself and to avoid him. I began by trying to flirt back which wasn’t the right approach and only fuelled it. I tried to be kind and to understand what was driving the unhappiness but that didn’t work either. I felt really disempowered and uncomfortable.

Unfortunately another Portuguese nurse joined and looked to him for exemplary behaviour, he too took to this tactic of laughing at and knocking confidence to then make sexualised comments about my height, size and appearance. The comments about my eyes, what my love life was like. It felt relentless. I felt followed. I felt uncomfortable working alongside him. There was no normal conversation and if there was it was about how unhappy he was but didn’t know what to do with his life. Obviously depressed and taking it out in unhealthy ways.

I didn’t know how to ‘fight’ back. I gave up in the end, alongside a lot of other bullying on that ward from unhappy staff members. It felt such a relief to walk away. Reading this back, I see I tried my best to defend myself and to help the individual, what I now realise is that I shouldn’t have to help or had to do this. Simply calling out sexually inappropriate behaviour is enough and although it’s not easy, it begins there.

Next time I see him (he’s been relocated), I would like to explain to him how his behaviour left me feeling and see how he feels about that now. I felt angry, cornered, trapped, taken advantage of, upset and frightened. I think it might do him a favour too to learn how his behaviour is being perceived. Continually showing off about how his way was ‘best’ and being too intimidate with certain patients.

Not for me thanks. It was not good.

I started my last placement of 1st year in mental health nursing on a ward. On my second day, I was shadowing an HCA. He was a helpful and first and I was learning. He then started making sexual comments towards me. As the day went on things got worse and worse. On multiple occasions he trapped me in store rooms and touched my groin area. On our second break, I told him I was getting something to eat, got my bag, and ran off the ward as fast as I could, I couldn’t take it anymore.