Your Stories

In my first year of medical school a student I knew held me down after a night out and attempted to rape me but was interrupted by another flat mate who pulled him off me. The attitude of both of them was we’d all been drinking and I shouldn’t have gone back to their flat so it was best not to say anything more.

The next year I was living in a mixed house share. One evening I was asleep in bed and woke to hear 2 house mates come home with another 2 medical students. They were talking loudly and I heard one of them say “go up and see”. One of them came up the stairs, walked into my bedroom and took his clothes off before climbing into bed with me. I froze and pretended to be sleep but despite this he pressed his penis into my bottom and started rubbing himself against me whilst touching my breasts. He eventually got up and went back downstairs where they all started laughing.

When I was 20 I went to a gynae clinic with dysmenorrhoea and saw a male gynae Spr. Following a speculum examination he raped me with his hand bunched in a fist. There was a nurse observing and she just turned away. When he’d finished he held his hand up to me to show me that I was bleeding and told me “look what you made me do”. The nurse went and got a sanitary pad for me to wear to go home. It was painful sitting for the rest of the day. I told a friend who told me it wasn’t ’real rape’ and told me to forget about it. I reported it to the trust a year later who promised to investigate but their response was that he had used a poor examination technique and had now moved to another trust so could not be contacted. The nurse apparently said she was not aware of anything having been wrong whilst she was chaperone.

During my clinical skills training I was in a break out group of 6 students practising female pelvic examinations on mannequins. There were 4 men in the group and throughout the session they proceeded to talk about what sexual acts they would do if it was a real person. At the point where one student fisted the model I walked out of the room. I reported the incident to our clinical tutor (and disclosed my experience in the gynae clinic to her) but this didn’t lead to any discussion with us as a group of medical students about what was appropriate behaviour.

These all happened over 20 years ago and I can picture them like they were yesterday.

The words “she needs a sh*g” said about me in front of everyone after a professional disagreement with a more senior male nurse, even worse it was said in front of other senior nursing staff who all put their heads down. Biggest regret of my life not reporting it, I was newly qualified at the time. I still think about it filled with anger.

I no longer work in this place.

The on call cardiology consultant has historically been called the COW in my Trust and the neighbouring one that is linked at board level. After nurses and other members of staff expressed unease about using this term when I was on call ( COW is an offensive term when applied to women rather than men) I tried to get it changed to something more suitable. At the time I was the only female cardiology consultant out of 7 in my Trust and 22 in the sister Trust. I asked my clinical lead to change this but it wasn’t changed. In 2021 I suffered direct discrimination at work and met managers where I also raised the issue of the COW acronym. The freedom to speak up guardian and chief people officer were also aware of my concern that the COW acronym was a clear form of sex discrimination. Partial change was made but the term remained in used daily since then. I have raised the issue again in 2023. This time my concerns seem to have coincided in a leadership role being taken from me. The cardiology GIRFT report uses the COW acronym in it to encourage Trusts to have a weekly rather than daily on call rota and this fact has been used as a reason not to change the COW acronym. The COW acronym remains in place in the sister Trust. EASS and ACAS have confirmed that it causes indirect sex discrimination and its presence in a report does not prevent it from needing to be removed. I’ve not had any apology from the Trust for the discrimination I have been suffering esp since 2021. No comment has been made about the underlying misogyny and sexist attitudes that need to be present within the department in order for the above events to have occurred. This is a clear provable and easily fixed case of sex discrimination that even 2 years after officially raising it with managers isn’t sorted and is ongoing evidence of widespread ingrained male arrogance and misogyny in conjunction with a managerial workforce who seem unable to stand up to them.

A doctor senior to me asked me for sex despite being aware I was in a long term relationship. He then put pressure on me to keep this a secret, denied any wrongdoing and became increasingly angry until I changed my phone number so that he couldn’t contact me any more.

I was an F1 in A&E. I once referred a patient to ortho and I got chatting with the SHO because I wanted to specialise in orthopaedics. He said if I gave him my number he would be in touch to try and arrange a taster day for me or something like that. So I gave him my number and he started to send me inappropriate messages saying things like “the night shift would be more fun if you were here because I bet you have more skills than just putting in cannulas”. I told him I was in a relationship. I should have shut him down more assertively but I didn’t want to seem rude and also I wanted the orthopaedic taster day he had promised. He then sent me a picture of him in just his boxers. I didn’t report him because I thought I’d led him on a bit.

I was stressed during F1 because of a more senior doctor I worked with. He was very charming and supportive at first and we became friends but then it became apparent that he could also be very controlling. He became unreasonably angry if I mentioned to people that he and I talked outside of work, which I found weird. Looking back I think it suggests he knew that something was wrong with his behaviour. I asked not to work with him any more. A female consultant made me go into her office and wouldn’t let me leave until I told her why I was sad. I told her that I didn’t want to work with this SHO any more and she totally sided with him, saying “If you want to be a woman in surgery you need to be more emotionally robust than this because he’s a perfect gentleman and you’ll meet worse people than him in your career”. Nothing physical ever happened but months later he told me he “just thought of me as a sex doll”. He was very much not a perfect gentleman and I have no real idea why the female consultant was protecting him.

Raped by fellow medical student in fresher’s week. Alcohol was involved and I suppose I considered this ‘date rape’- I had kissed him but certainly did not consent to what followed which was brutal and prolonged. I felt very stupid and very responsible and didn’t tell anyone for some time. I became very withdrawn and self conscious and retreated into myself. Things became increasingly difficult and I found it hard even to walk past people in the street without experiencing huge anxiety. I got back together with my boyfriend from school who was lovely but perhaps ‘enabled’ my withdrawal.

It all became harder when we started clinical placements and I had to see this individual more regularly and in smaller groups. I stopped attending clinical placements in the city but would attend those outside the city- we did one month centrally and one month peripherally per specialty block. In 4th year I was attacked by the same individual on hospital premises and became pregnant. I had a TOP. At this point I approached the UG Dean and was told I had to ‘just get on with it’. I couldn’t and it became clear I would fail my final year. I felt completely unsupported by all the senior team at the university – I am disgusted when I look back on it. I was seen as the ‘problem’ and they clearly wanted to get rid of me. I was an embarrassment.

I finally told my parents. They had to work very hard to advocate for me and I am grateful to them and to the then chancellor of the university and the head of medicine in my home city university who enabled me to move home and complete my final year. I sought help from my GP at this point and underwent sexual health screening and was referred for counselling.

In a new city, I flourished at university and graduated. I have since progressed through training, have been a consultant for over a decade, and hold several high level national roles advocating for training and equality and inclusion. My own health has not fared so well and there is no doubt this has all left a terrible legacy on my emotional and psychological well-being. Eventually, with the right help, I ‘recovered’ from my eating disorder (as far as this is possible) but there is a lasting impact on how I see myself, on how much I push myself and on my physical relationship with my wonderful husband. I continue to experience body dysmorphia and set myself impossible standards. I remain very angry at individuals in the university and sincerely hope that things have changed for the better.

I often wondered whether sharing my story might empower others to speak up or help to effect change and am genuinely in awe of those who do and inspired by those who do, including of course, Becky and Chelcie. I still wonder about sharing but know that on the very rare occasion that I have done so, it has felt so horribly awkward and I worry that it changes people’s perceptions of me. Will they feel I am responsible? Will they ask what happened to the perpetrator (I have huge guilt over this but after being so broken down by the university and indeed advised NOT to divulge their name I chose not to go down this route – he said, she said, and statistics around successful prosecution shocking still, never mind all that time ago)? So I don’t. I will however continue to do all I can in my various roles to raise awareness and ensure there are appropriate policies and resources in place.

As a Dermatology registrar training in a different Trust, I got told by a male ITU consultant “Not to worry my pretty little face” regarding a diagnosis for a patient he had requested a skin biopsy for.